Jihadus pakistanii

Effective treatment requires a taxonomical change

The West prefers to believe that Jihadus alqaedus, the most feared variety of the Jihadus family is also the most dangerous, and is devoting most of its energies to eradicate it. While it is fighting Jihadus talebanus in Afghanistan, it is content to allow Pakistan to carry on with its charade of appearing to support US and Afghan efforts against increasingly numerous ‘remnants’ of J. talebanus that was previously believed to be near extinction. As for Jihadus kashmirius, the West believes that this is a variety that Pakistan prepared specifically to attack India, and hence poses no threat to the world at large.

While the topical use of strong antibiotics has succeeded in supressing the eruptation of J. alqaedus attacks, its place has long been taken by J. kashmirius, specifically by the J. kashmirius lashkarus strain. Different strains of J. kashmirius have historically displayed the ability to exchange genetic material with each other, as well as with other varieties of the genus Jihadus. But even as Western investigators continue to tackle the threat posed by the J. alqaedus variety, it is J. kashmirius that is the real global threat, and not just a poor man’s disease. Minor incidents of J. kashmirius attacks have been reported in Australia and California, while major outbreaks have been observed in London and Madrid. But in India where J. kashmirius had already reached an epidemic stage, robust countermeasures, physical barriers and increased vigilance have reduced the incidence and intensity of attacks. But it is India that continues to be worst affected.

Almost four years after the Jihadus threat received global attention, it is clear that tackling this threat by making taxonomical distinctions based on the geographic incidence is a failed prophylactic strategy. Previous research has shown that there is strong evidence that all the varieties of Jihadus can be traced back to the same petri dishes. Despite some claims to the contrary, these petri dishes are still in use; and its handlers continue to replenish the nutritional matrix that facilitates the growth and mutation of the pathogen. In view of this, global efforts directed towards its eradication demand an important change — the taxonomical reorganisation of all the various members of the Jihadus family into one species: Jihadus pakistanii. Instead of tackling various sub-species and varieties of what is essentially a single species, global anti-Jihadus efforts would be strengthened by properly identifying and tackling the pathogen for what it is.

Additional note: Attempts at biological control, using various species of the genus Dictatorus to curb Jihadus have had side-effects that are serious enough to make this method unadvisable. For example, the commensalism that was previously observed between Dictatorus ziaulhaqus and J. pakistanii has now been replaced by symbiosis between D. musharrafus and J. pakistanii.

9 thoughts on “Jihadus pakistanii”

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  3. Well its good to see that all the viral infection hasn’t affected our genus humerus.

    Several strains are found to spread like a cancer often adversely affecting the funnybone.

  4. Banna’s Muslim Brotherhood radical movement from Egypt fueled much of the Afgahan Mujahedin uprise against the Soviet occupancy during 1979-1991. The jihadi ideology was exported from there and infected much of the Middle East. Pakistan had much activities with the Mujahedins too. Probably they were the link between USA and the Mujahedins. Then in 1994 young Talibans was created in the border situated madrassas in Pakistan. These were created to change the then Afghan govt. which Pakistan (Benezir Bhutto) did not want. They succeded but later found that they have created a monster they can no longer control. These talibans still have strong connections with Pakistan.

    Pakistan has been a radical theocracy since its birth. I remember the surprised face of a Pakistani teacher who was taking a class of some young Bangladeshis. In a discussion about current affairs, she noticed that nobody cited Quran or Hadith quotes. She said, in Pakistan invariably people would cite religious verses in every aspect of life (Well I don’t have much interactions with Pakistanis to verify this). Recently the news came that Pakitsan’s education system is the worst among 14 Asian countries.

    No wonder it is evident where the viruses are being incubated. And the war against terror is failing to target the beehive.

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